


They Wanna Make Me Their Queen

by Living_Fast



Category: ALL THE MARVEL MOIVES OKAY, Marvel, NOT TAGGING ALL THAT, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: /, AND FINE IF THEY DONT DO IT, AND THERE IS SLIM TO NONE OF THEM, And she did not sleep with him, Artist Steve Rogers, Asexual Character, Author should be sleeping, BAMF Steve Rogers, BECAUSE IM ANGRY, Blood??, Deaf Steve Rogers, F/F, F/M, FOR FEMALE STEVE, FUCK endgame, Female Steve Rogers, Fluff, GOTTA DO IT YOURSELF, I HAVE SPENT THE LAST WEEK SEARCHINGLY, I'm not kidding take the keyboard, ITS NOT CANNON., Just depends on the wound, Lovely, M/M, MALE TONY, Panic Attacks, Past Relationships, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Team, Protective Tony Stark, She also scars a bit, Someone take away my keyboard, Steve Does not care for Howard Stark, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve gets migraines, Steve has Freckles, Steve has Tattoos, Steve is not going to take any of your shit, Steve was experimented on, Touch Starved Steve Rogers, We will be ignoring Infinity War, You fuck with Steve, and agnst, and that whole part of the world, and then you fuck that up, because I said so, because my children deserved better, fight me, fuck with the team, help the poor baby, i think, no beta we die like men, please, right - Freeform, screw you Howard and you Screwed up mind, she will rearrange your face, shocker - Freeform, so she hates Howard because he thought that was his life’s goal, so shut up Tony, so the one good thing you did, that goes unnoticed for too long, try me, you can fight me, you did give us a beautiful son
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-05-29 07:32:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15068231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Fast/pseuds/Living_Fast
Summary: No one had expected for Captain America.The Captain AmericaTo step out of the car, wearingBlack Combat BootsBlack JeansA Deep Red V-neckA white Leather jacketAnd a beanie the same deep red as her shirt.Don’t even get Sheild Started on the hair  Gold curls, cut slight just past her ears.Maybe It wasn’t that She wasn’t ready for this century.Maybe it was That This Century wasn’t ready for the Queen that was Stephany Rogers.God save them all.





	1. The Queen

So yeah maybe the World really wasn’t ready for her. The 5’1 woman really packed a punch, she was a walking embodiment of a Queen. 

For a Woman coming from a Man’s world, it could be clear that she was the Queen of that Era. 

So truly they all hoped that God didn’t leave them. 

They had expected a mess of a Woman who couldn’t fit in. A woman uncertain and confused. A woman in a dress going to her knees, not this. 

Not the 5’1 Fire power ready to take on the world with a sharp grin and a barbed tongue. 

She seamed to slip right in. 

She integrated her self into the 21st century with out hesitation.

No One was prepared. 

And they didn’t know what to do with this information. 

When she first Met the Avengers, Mostly Tony Stark. The air was thick and heavy. Captain Rogers had set her eyes on the group of people in the room. Narrowed as she studied them all. 

Stark opened his mouth first. Pointing a pen at the Woman. “Captain.” His voice was sharp, and hard as steal. 

Rogers just tilted her head to the side. 

“Finally someone who uses my title.” Fury tensed, Rogers flashed him a fearless grin. The newly assembled Avengers shivered involuntary. 

Rogers butted heads and snapped at Agents. She walked through the Compound like she owned it. 

And no one said a thing. 

She slipped around Conners like she knew it inside and out. She cut paths with an invisible knife through crowds of Agents. 

She was an unstoppable force... 

but what leaked under the Surface of the Perfect mask? 


	2. Chapter 1

_”Don’t you dare be late. You hear me Stevie. If you’re late I’m kicking your ass.” Steph let out a watery laugh._

_“8 right? The old apartment, you can teach me how to dance.” The line crackled and you could hear voices yelling in the back._

_“... Don’t be late.”_

_“I won’t be —” the line cut out “I love you, I love so much —”_

_The line went dead._

_A sob followed._

_“I love you more, Stephany Rogers.”_

* * *

 Stephany Sat in the living space on her floor. The room smelled of drying paint, Several pieces of Furniture covered in plastic. 

She was tired and cold... 

Cold

      Cold

            Cold 

                  Cold 

                        Cold. 

She couldn’t seem to get warm.

No mater what she did. 

Her fingers gripped the pencil a bit tighter. 

Her movements across the page were harsh and rough. A hand stretching forward, reaching out to something not there. The edges blackened by charcoal, creeping in on the image. A valley pulling across the page, it was detailed yet blank. 

Her hands covered in black smudges. 

Her hands tightened even further around the pencil. 

A bit to tight

Crack 

Stephany stared at her hands the two pieces sat in her surprisingly small hands she let them roll on to the floor. 

The clattering echoed around her like tapping on glass. Rolling under the couch. The leather sketch book followed hitting the ground with a loud Thwack on the hard wood floors.

Stephany’s Hands curled into her hair, a huff of air left her lips, along with a silent sob. She tugged at strands of blonde locks, tears spilled over her stormcloud blue eyes. 

She slid off the small loveseat pulling her legs to her chest. Not caring that she was sitting on her notebook. Not caring 

NotCaringNotCaringNotCaringNotca—

“Captain Rogers, are you alright?” JARVIS’s voice cut through the air, Steph only curled tighter together. 

Cantbreathecantbreathecantbreathe 

Her mind was so far under water. A curl of cold settled around her shoulders, numbed her limbs like freezing water, her head felt cold and stuffy like it was trapped in ice. 

Suddenly the cold was gone, a burning felling spread across her skin. 

Nonononononono 

a noise too much like explosions echo in her ears.

Deep and Rattling. 

Even if it’s only in her head, it’s there it shakes her bones. A flick and it’s a lab, and Steph feels like screaming. 

And maybe she does because someone clearly is. 

It shakes her soul, growls and claws at the bars of its cage desperately trying to get away.

Away. 

Just get away

A Voice is joining her pleading for them to stop and let go. 

A softer voice.

A Concerned Voice it’s soft, and a bit echoey. 

A voice she had long ago locked away in her mind.

then the softness was gone. 

“You lied. Said Tell the end of the line. You lied Stephany.” 

“You told me you Loved me... was it just a lie?” 

Stephany cried harder. 

Stop please. 

Just stop! 

I didn’t mean to.

Please. 

Don’t leave me Again. 

“Spangles?” 

Everything crashed down, walls falling in on her, worlds spun just out of reach.

Faces

words 

Cold hearts 

Home. 

Home. 

She just wanted to Go Home! 

She wanted something that was familiar... 

“Stephany!” The Voice was distant but there. Far but Close. 

Stephany blindly. Tried to dig herself out of the rubble that was her mind, pulling pieces down as she reached for them.

She was pulling apart at the seams, tugging and pulling herself apart involuntary. 

“Stephany.” The Voice was closer, Yet she pulled everything apart. 

A soft I’m sorry filled her ears. 

Two soft, and warn hands clasped her cheeks. 

Warm 

Warm 

Warm. 

Like a rope tugging around her middle. 

She blinked, tears fell. 

A soft blue light blinded her eyes. 

She doesn’t remember shutting them...

”Stephany,” 

Stephany blinked again. Dark chocolate, Warm, Worried Eye Met her dark storm cloud blue hues.

“Hey, you with me Spangles?” His voice was soft, Tears spilled over. Hands curling curled around Stark’s shirt.

“Tony?” Her Voice was rough, like she’d been screaming. The Genius let out a sigh of relief, “What?” Tony ran a hand through his hair. 

“JARVIS said you were Screaming.” Steph stared at him, she could feel a warm liquid run down her arms. 

She looked down, nail marks clawed up and down her arms. Blood bubbling up in their wakes. “Oh.” She whispers. 

Tony really didn’t now what to do, he wasn’t good at this. And seeing Stephany so confused was knew, she wasn’t ever one to look lost. 

Cap was a Fucking Mountain.

This wasn’t normal. 

Nothing bothered her. 

It took a fucking lot to get under her thick ass skin. 

But her sitting on the floor crying was not something that Cap was supposed to do. 

Stephany and Tony stared at each other. 

“Sorry for interrupting your night... I’m going to bed.” Before Tony could open his mouth Steph stood on shaky legs and was out of the room.

Tony reached down, fingers curling around the sketch book she left behind.

He placed it on the coffee table. 

“J?”

”Sir.” 

“Tell me if this happens again.” 

* * *

 Stephany stared at the wall, the sky line was halfway finished. Her clothing covered in paint, a streak of pale blue running down the side of her face.  

She rubbed her face spreading multiple grays down her face. A small frown stretching across her lips.

Something was missing... 

missing 

Missing

missing.... 

Putting down the paint brush she crossed the room picking up the red, dipping her fingers into the paint. Rubbing the gray and red together.

A rusty color coming to life on her middle and pointer finger. 

Bitting her lip. Her spread it across a colorless building, before frowning deeper. 

Missingmissigmissing. 

Sighing her whipped her hands on her jeans. “J, what time is it?” She said to the air. 

“It’s currently 5:38 p.m. Captain Rogers.” Stephany huffed out a breath of air, “Thanks J.” 

Stephany closed the paints, picking up the paint brushes from the jar she kept them in. Walking to her bath room rinsing the brushes before Shedding her clothes. 

Turning the water on hot, before stepping in. The scalding water hit her back, making her hiss softly.

Though she didn’t dare turn the water down. Hands scrubbing her skin raw, as if she was trying to remove something from her skin. 

Running her hands through her hair, she sighed softly.

Talking quietly to herself.

Names 

Dates

old mission plans 

new mission plans

listing the paints she was out 

then a list of groceries that they were out of. 

She turned the water off, grabbing the gray towel hanging out side the shower door. 

“Captain Rogers, Sir would like to inform you that it’s your night to cook.”

Stephany hummed instead of forming a proper response to the AI. 

She walked into the bedroom she was staying in tell she was down with the paint in her actual room.

Grabbing a sports bra and underwear. She trailed over to the dresser, opening the top drawer.

She huffed grabbing a pair of black leggings, CAPTAIN in bold avengers blue, going down the side. 

And a plain gray hoodie. Slipping the clothing the hoodie slipping off her shoulder and covering her hands.

She ruffled her hair with the towel. 

Leaving it damp, and to spiral into its natural mess of untamable curls.  

* * *

 

Stephany walked out of the elevator, the TV going and the kitchen empty. ”She Lives!” Clint yelled Stephany’s lip curled. ”Afternoon to you as well, Barton” Stephany walked over to the kitchen, pulling out ingredients as she went. 

Opening cabinets pulling out a pot and a cutting board. Stephany chewed on her bottom lip.

Mumbling the list in ingredients she needs. 

As she opened the fridge she sighed. ”And we're out of eggs, and butter..” she began putting things back. Pulling out her phone she pulled up the pizza place they all Liked.

Reading over the list of pizza’s they got that was tapped to the fridge. She grabbed a sticky note from its place next to the fridge. 

’Tony and Natasha’s turn to Go Shopping.’ In her neat script. Before sticking I next to the ice cream sticky. 

She walked back into the living space, rubbing at her eyes. Sliding on to an empty seat, They Gathered Avengers Stared at her. 

”I’m not going to the store.” was all she said. ”I’ll cook tomorrow.” she then grabbed her Stech Book off the Coffee table. 

She flipped to a blank page, reaching over to grab her pencil only to stare at the two half’s laying there, mockingly.  

Steady hands suddenly became unsteady. 

Before she could truly think about it, she snatched up the blue Ballpoint pen sitting next to a coaster. Popping the cap off, she picked at her paint stained nails. 

She very, very carefully sketched out the starting of a pair of eyes.

Rolling the pen she barely noticed Bruce get up to go get the pizza. 

She worried at her lip as she tried to keep the eyebrows neat and natural.

Without sharpening them out to much.

She fingers cramped, thumb trying to work around old wounds. “Cap, are you going to eat?” Stephany looked up, blinking at Natasha.

The red head gave her a light look. Stephany set her Sketch book down, leaving it open so the ink could dry, on the coffee table. 

Stephany grabbed corner of the cardboard box that hadn’t been open yet. She smacked Clint’s hand that came a bit to close to the still warm pizza. Shooting the taller man a sharp look, pulling a piece out. 

Stephany, bagged up the slim amount of leftovers they had. Placing them in the almost empty fridge for Clint or Tony to eat later. “Hey, Spangles whose eyes are these?” Stephany freezes. Tony held the leather book, more careful then she’d seen him hold anything. “No, No ones.” Clint blinked at her. “Then why are there two years in the bottom left corner? Also did you order bread sticks because I didn’t see any.” Stephany reached over to snatch the sketch book out of Tony’s hands. 

Back 

give 

it

back... 

“No, I didn’t. Because you don’t like their Bread sticks and every time we by them you end not eating them. Give me back my book Stark.” She growled out. 

Please... 

just give me the book. 

Stark huffed, “Ask me Nicely.” 

Stephany reached out to take it, Natasha grabbed it from Tony’s grip. Studying the eyes. “These look like Director Carter’s Eyes.” Stephany sucked in a breath, “Give. It. Back.” The ex assassin, raised a perfect eyebrow. “They are aren’t they?” Stephany’s lip curled, “Yeah Fine, they are Peggy’s eyes, Now give me, My Fucking Sketchbook back.” 

The Russian handed the book back. Stephany snapped it shut, moving out of the room like she was on fire. 

She stepped into the Elevator, keeping her back to the doors. 

When they shut, Stephany sunk against the wall, Hands tucking into still damp hair. 

She slammed a fist into the floor. The book laying open a drawing on Peggy and Stephany lay on the floor.

Stephany’s face had been scratched out. 

Four dates lay on the page. 

1921-2013 

1920-1941

Across Stephany’s Scratched out face, where eraser lines, 

Alive? 


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve kinda fingered out a time line... but not really?  
> Kinda places before Winster Soldier But I’m not sure when......  
> or it might be after. 
> 
> At this point it’s trying to fall together in my head.  
> So we’ll see huh?

_”Awww come on Stevie, one dance?” A smile Painting their Face._

_A light laugh. “I don’t wanna step on your toes.” A wrinkle of the nose._

_A smile melting to a light frown. “At Home in our socks?”_

_A wet laugh now, “Yeah Buck... At Home.”_

* * *

_A loud clamp of glasses hitting tables, laughter of drunken men._

_Soldiers lingered around._

_They watched,_ _not one said a word._

_Not the small blonde beauty, who had a gun strapped to her thigh._

_She tucked her fingers around the top of the bottom._

_She chunked it across the room, it shattered against the wall._

_Alcohol darkening the green walls._

_She tucked her fingers in her brownish-red stained hair._

* * *

 Stephany rolled her Shield back and forth between her thighs. Half listening to the press conference going on, half watching her team mates. 

Natasha was sitting a little too crooked, 

Clint was clutching his arm to his chest to tightly, 

Tony was trying his hardest to keep his front up,

Bruce looked to out of it to make much sense of what was going on, 

Thor looked worse for wear he shifted in his chair too much. 

“Captain Rogers! How does it feel to be on the same team as you Past Lovers Son?” Stephany went ridged, as did Tony, no one seemed to notice. 

“Excuse you?” Her tone chilling.

Stark Stared at her with wide as, he hadn’t expected that. 

The Journalist floundered. “Well the world know you where in love with Howard Sta-” Stephany’s hand around her glass went a bit to tight. 

Shattering it, completely cutting off the woman. 

The Avengers all stared at her.

“We’ll be leaving now.” Natasha said sharply, as Stephany pushed her chair back so hard it plummeted to the floor with a loud bang and stalked off. 

The gathered crowd yelled and protested. 

The five Avengers scrambled to follow their leader.

Who was leaning on a slightly bent light poll. A Cigarette hanging from her lips, her shield lay abandoned on the rubble covered street.

Her cowl lay at her feet as if she threw it. 

A sharp scowl painting across her features. 

She barely cast them a glance as she dropped the cigarette, and squashed it with the heal of her boot. 

“Tradition?” Clint asked softly, trying to hide a groan of pain. Stephany didn’t say anything, just huffed out a short puff of air.

Walking over to snatch of the Shield off the ground where she had dropped it.

She dragged it down the street the Avengers followed after looking at each other. 

“Are we getting food?” 

“Hell if I know.” They jumped at the gruff repose.

Stephany stood in the street, scanning buildings. 

Her tone was light and angry. 

“Their might still be that Chinese place that’s two blocks from the tower...” Tony offered, the Avengers nodded that would work. 

They ended up getting takeout, and going back to the tower 

Stephany picked at her food, more moving it around then eating it. 

Thoughts running rampage in her mind, plowing through anything and everything. 

She had know in a way that the world thought she was in love with Howard.... and that alone made her want to curl into a ball and fucking sob. 

Howard? 

Howard... 

Oh 

God 

Stephany tried to pretend that she didn’t notice the teams eyes on her.

Pretend that she couldn’t feel Tony’s gaze trying to burn holes into her head. 

“Can someone explain what the Fuck happened at the Conference? Or what ever the hell that was...” Tony asked, Stephany tightened her grip on the chop sticks she held. 

She scowled at her container. Shoving it in the Demigods direction. 

She stood, walking around the bar and throwing her cardboard cup in the trash. 

“Rogers, could you enlighten us please on why you didn’t answer the question.” Stephany tensed, as she reached for the small bottle of Chocolate milk in the fridge. 

“I don’t have to answer anything I don’t want to Stark.” She put the mild back, to tired and sore to deal with this now. 

Now 

now.

Stark began talking, rambling mostly.

She glared at the fridge. 

Her eyes stung, she hated this 

hated it all. 

Noise over lapped noise, yelling and patronizing voices, only she could hear. 

Her hands tucked around her wrists, fingers digging into the scarred skin.

shut up

shut up

shut up 

She felt tears drip down her face, nails scrapping to get a purchase on her wrists. 

Stop talking 

stop it. 

I don’t want

please

just 

Sh- 

“SHUT UP!” Stephany hit the wall,

once.

Twice.

Three times.

Her already raw knuckles spilting.  

“JUST STOP TALKING, LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT ALL HAPPENED THEN, BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING!” A hush fell over the room. 

“I don’t know why you all think I was in love with Stark.” Her lips curled and snarled the last name. 

“I fucking Hated your father.” Tony stared wide eyed at the blonde, who just put a whole in his wall. 

“Wha-” Stephany’s hands tugged at her hair, eyes Wild. 

“Oh god, I hated him.

Don’t do anything stupid Stevie.... How could I? You’re talking all the stupid with you, Buck.

God I was wrong.

And I’m sorry!” 

She sunk to the floor, babbling nonsense.

”I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Just please stop.” 

The avengers jumped to action... 

Tony more than the others. He slide down on the floor next to her, 

“stop it. Stop it, stop it.

im sorry! 

I’m sorry! 

I just want to go HOME!” Her hands pulling her hair, and scrapping at her scalp. 

Tony gently spoke, remembering the night weeks ago when he found her sitting on the floor sobbing.

He gently gripped her wrists, pulling them away from her hair. “I know you do Stephany. I know.” He whispered, rolling her slim fingers into fists.

Keeping her from hurting herself, 

“i just wanna go home.” She hiccuped, fingers curling around Tony’s fingers.

Pressing her face to her knees. 

“Why’d they pull me out?

I was-

now I’m-

I- I ca-

I just wa-” 

She sucked in a deep breath and choked out another sob.

Tony really didn’t know what to do from here. 

And it Seemed no one else did either. 

Stephany curled in on herself, “I wanna go home.” She whispered again. 

“I wasn’t alone then 

wasnt alone 

don’t wanna be alone 

I’ve always been alone.” 

Stephany, tried to uncurl her hands. 

Tony, rubbed his thumbs on the backs of her hands. 

“Shhhh,Sweetheart, I know.”

Tony looked up Natasha met his eyes.

The burning green eyes where glassy. 

“I’m sorry,” Stephany whispered again. 

And again 

and again 

and again 

* * *

_“Don’t you apologize Stephany Sarah Grace Rogers, Don’t you dare.”_

_“Bar-”_

_”Shut up, Punk.” He drew her close, tucking his nose into her short blonde hair._

_“Jerk.” She whispered into his shirt, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”_

_“I know.”_

_“I’m so sorry, Bucky.”_

_”I know, Stevie, I know.”_


	4. Chapter 3

They’re _shoving something under her skin and she’s_

**_Screaming_ **

_stop it!_

_stop it!_

_im sorry_

_I’m sorry_

_They don’t Stop_

_and she remembers laying on the ground crying, blood running out of the corner of her mouth._

_Screamed herself bloody._

_And_

_it_

_hurts_

_make_

_it_

_stop_

_**please...** _

_she doesn’t remember where she went wrong._

_And then they pull it back Out. And it hurts even More._

_They shove things in her hands, In her hips, over her ribs, any where and everywhere_

_they teach her how to ignore bullet’s in her skin. They show her just how much_

**_Failure_ **

**_will_ **

**_Hurt_ **

_and_

_it_

_burns..._

_stop please._

_Then the softer words come covering ~~his~~ tracks._

_Holding her after days with nothing but pain._

_Running fingers through her short hair._

_Pressing soft kisses to her hair, holding her close when the world becomes too much._

_and sense Bucky left_

_Stephany_

_finally_

_oh god finally,_

_feels_

_**Safe.** _

_and it makes her_

_**sob.** _

* * *

If Stephany didn’t speak for a week after  her episode in the kitchen

~~No one said anything~~

If Stephany’s Hands shook for two weeks after

~~No one said anything~~

If Stephany wandered around like a ghost for a month after 

~~No one said anything~~

If Stephany didn’t pick up a pencil for a Month and a Half after

~~No one said anything~~

Simply, Stephany wasn’t one to speak of her feelings.

And that was that.

Even when it burned under her skin so badly that it made her want to scream.

~~No~~

~~one~~

~~said~~

~~anything.~~

* * *

  Stephany flexes her fingers, heaving her sheild up and over her shoulder locking it into place.

Sliding under Fallin’ rubble, kicking her feet out from under the Doombots legs. 

She rolled pulling a knife from her boot. 

And then proceed to slice open several bots. 

Pint up anger was released, lashing open the left over bots like chains. 

Stephany whinced at the static curling over her ear pierce.

It grew louder, 

pulling and yanking, 

it grew into White noise. 

Loud and ringing. 

She yanked the metal piece out of her ear.

Breathing heavy. 

She

could

still

hear

it

Stephany curled her hands around her ears, knife clattering to the ground.

She tugs and claws. 

Then nothing. 

The curling was gone, Stephany opened her mouth. 

“Guys?” Her could feel the vibrations but she couldn’t hear them. 

Shecouldnthearthem

Stephany knew deafness 

deafness. 

Deafness 

Deafness 

She ran her fingers over her ears, warm liquid pooled on her fingers. 

Nononononononono

this can’t be right 

she gripped at her ears. 

Nononono She can’t do this again. 

Shecantshecantshecant

Stephany’s fingers curled into the rubble covered ground, chuncks of concrete curled into her hands. 

She desperately blinked back tears.

Bite her lip so hard she could taste copper. It filled her mouth, burning across her tongue. 

And she hated it

Hated it 

Hated it 

Stop it. 

Her fingers scrambled for a gun in the mess, she blindly scrapped and clawed.

She ripped off over gloves, shaky hands frantically reached for that hard cold metal handle. 

Bloodied hands grasped the forgotten weapon, she tested the weight.

Eyes blinking out tears. 

She can't hear... 

She can't hear... 

Nonononono 

That's no right she's been able to hear completely since, since... 

She drops the gun, she can't hear it hit the ground.

And it sends a chill up her spine. 

~~Becauseshecanthearitwhycantshehearit~~  

Stephany’s fingers curling to her hair. 

She unarmed, and where did the boots go? 

And where are her team?

Why can't she hear? 

She keeps one hand in her hair, eyes wildly chasing lurking shadows that don't exist.

She grips the cold handle of the gun and fires it into the air. 

She feels the kick, it roars to life beneath her bloodied palm. 

And she scoots till her back is against a wall and she can see almost everything around her. 

Her shield tucked in front of her boots, and the gun clutched to her chest like a child's toy. 

Tears burn her eyes, and she's bitten almost clean through her lip. 

And she's not there but she is. 

And the floor is the same but it's not. 

And suddenly everything is too close, she's wearing too much clothing,

and

she

can't 

Breathe. 

Stephany desperately clawed at her suit.

It's too much

Get it Off 

Please.

 Everything is too bright and she can't Breathe, 

She can't hear

Stephany curls tighter in on herself. 

Hands abandoning the gun in favor of curling her hands into short hair. 

Her mouth is full of blood

her blood 

She tugs at her hair till it hurts. 

Stop it 

Stop it 

I'm sorry 

Just stop, please

* * *

 Tony blasted another bot, ”Has anyone seen Cap?” 

”She disappeared about an hour ago.” Natasha offered, before she drop kicked a Doombots head. 

Static curled over their comms. Clint ripped out his hearing aid. 

”JARVIS?” 

”On it sir.” Natasha crushed her comm under her foot. 

The bots scattered at the noise, Thor who lacked a comm due to his lighting didn't notice the noise. 

And the hulk didn't have one for obvious reasons. 

Tony’s noise rung out and came to stop. 

”Shit,” Clint said sharply. 

”Shit is an understatement, Birdbrain.” Tony’s faceplate slid up so Clint could see his lips. 

Thor dropped down next the pair, ”They seem to be self-destructing.” The Demigod Said as he walked closer, flipping his hammer.

His brow furrowed, “Where is Captain Rogers?” The five avengers Froze. Like the previous conversation about her being missing was whipped with the static over the comms. 

“Dubble shit.” Natasha offered, slipping her gun back into its holster. 

“Still an Understatement.” 

“Fuck.” A tired voice offered. Bruce came stumbling over, holding his pants up with one hand. “Yeah that’s Better.” 

Thor unclipped his cape handing it to Bruce with a soft smile. 

“Thanks.” 

A gun going off in the distance startled the group of five.

Tony shot into the sky before anyone could truly process the sound. 

Tony found her curled into a ball, hands curling at her ears.

Her hands bloodied, her hair stained a dark crimson. 

Tears in her suit, as if she was trying to claw it off. 

“Stephany?” She didn’t look up. 

He walked towards the girl. 

And every time he say her like this he could see just how much the world was balance across her shoulders. 

He steped out of his suit, crossing the street of rumble with frantic movements. 

He crouched in front of Stephany. “Stephany?” He whispered softly, placing his hands over hers. 

Stormy eyes shot up to meet his, eyes wild.

She flinched backwards successfully smacking the back of her head against concrete. 

“Hey, hey. It’s just me Steph. Just me.” He whispered softly, a slurred, frantic ”Tony?” was his response.

Her Face was tear stained, lips covered in blood, lines of the liquid ran down the sides of her face. 

“Yeah Steph I’m right here.” Tony said back. Though he noticed her eyes where on his lips, “Good.” 

No this isn’t good. 

Tony reached down to help her up, she curled away again. 

Okay okay so that’s a no. 

Her breathing was way to short for his liking. Tony shaped his fingers, Stephany watched them with sharp interest. 

Her breath hitched, she slowly uncovered her ears. “Can’t hear.” She whispered

”canthearcanthearcanthear-“ Her Voice grew frantic, it slurred slightly.

“icantbreatheifeellikeimsufficatingstopit-“ 

Tony sat infont of her, folding his finger over her eyes. He didn’t say anything, just sat there. 

Her breathe caught in her throat. But like a pressure being released she relaxed. 

Her breathing calmed slighrlt  but he could practically head her heart hammer out of her chest. 

He uncovered her eyes slowly, redrimmed, hazy, stormy blue eyes met his.

Tony called the suit, letting it incase him.

He lifted Stephany, holding her slightly like you would a toddler.

He flew back to the tower.

When he got back he took Stephany down to medical.

She panicked slightly, but let the doctors drag her into another room.

* * *

It was two days before Stephany was allowed to leave Medical.

She was almost like a ghost

the doctors said her hearing was repairing itself, slowly, but it was healing.

Tony found her sleeping on the couch, her features smoothed over Her face lacking the normal frown. 

And as if he was hit by a train he suddenly remembers her age.

What 24? 

Maybe 25? 

Tony studied her face and for the first time, he noticed that she was covered in freckles. 

Splashed lightly across her nose, over her forehead. He could see them dusted across her fingers, he blinked. 

Small White barely visible scars curling over her hands.

Like spider webs. 

On one hand, black ink curled around her middle and pointer fingers. 

Tony's eyes went back to her face, he looked at her ears.

And where the comm would sit where burns and deep cuts made by nails.  

Dark and healing but still there.  

He felt sick. 

Because this wasn't supposed to happen. 

Tony started towards the Elevator, clicking the level of his lab. 

This wasn't going to happen again. 

Not if Tony could help it. 

* * *

_Hands ran through her hair, ”We could see if you could get some new pencils.”_

_Stephany looked up, her stormy blue eyes warm._

_Happy_

_Normally hard brown eyes were, soft and fond._

_”Maybe.” Steph’s gaze returned to the page._

_Her fingers rolling the small pencil between them. ”Have you seen Buck?” She asked softly, finishing a rough sketch of hands._

_the hands French braiding her wild curls Reached for another strand. ”I saw him with the commandos before heading over here. You have wild curls, they will not say put.” Stephany laughed._

_”So I’ve bent told.” The other rolled their eyes, fondness in their movements._

_“Love you, Stevie.”_

_”Love you too Peggy.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell I have no idea what I'm doing.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still have no idea what I’m doing... 
> 
> BUT PLOT AT LAST

_~~Alive?~~ _

_~~No, at least not anymore.~~ _

_~~Dead?~~ _

_~~No, I don’t think I ever was.~~ _

* * *

~~~~Stephany clipped the slim pieces of equipment behind her ears.

She flipped the volume back and forth. 

Up and down. 

Silence to static. 

She drew pages of pages of nothing but dark shadings of bodies and places. 

Barely recognizable

The sides of her hands covered to the points of almost staining Silver. 

Reds graced other pages, 

Hands

Faces

Her fingers smeared with red ink 

Water, 

Tears 

Eyes 

Her wrists and palms covered in watercolor paints. 

Lines of missed placed acrylic paint 

Covered most of her arms up to her elbows.

Sometimes gray paint spread across her face, 

Over her nose 

By her ears

In the roots of her hair

In her hair 

Drowning in the paint, in chalk that covered her legs, she looked like an art project. 

Dark circles brushed under her eyes, 

Purples and blacks. 

Placed with a well-swept paint brushed. 

Her nails caked with dried paint. 

The sticky substance of Spray Paint splattered across the empty space of her hands. 

White And black flowers curling over her hands

inked 

different 

She was different. 

They wanted and expected 

she fought and gave what she was 

never enough 

she wasn’t what they wanted 

not what the needed 

but she could hardly remember what she needed or wanted anymore. 

A spirl of something and everything. 

Nothing and anything. 

But that’s it. 

No more no less. 

And if she becomes Bitter and snappy.

She has a right.

Many would argue that she didn’t. 

No one cared about the girl behind the mask.

No one did now.

No one did then.

Not a difference.

People don’t change 

they only disappoint and expect.

And Stephany was Fucking sick and tired of the world. 

Of people 

of words she could no longer hear

Mostly she was tired.

She just wanted to be Stevie.

The small, smart mouth, Sarcastic, girl from Brooklyn.

Who didn’t have any self confidence, but acted like she could rule the world. 

Who lived with her best friend, and was in love with a girl.

Wanted to be touchable again.

Wanted people to over look her, she used to want to be remembered.

For her art.

Not for dropping a plane in the ocean.  

But no one wanted Stevie. 

They wanted Captian America. 

The living legend.

The woman who plowed through armies they where nothing. 

But they forgot she was only a girl. 

Not older than 25. 

She was 22. 

She should be stressing about school, about getting a job. 

About living on her own. 

Staying up late at night studying,

not covered in red paint like it was blood. 

And what hurt the most? 

Was that she tried, 

and tired 

and tried. 

But no one wanted what she gave, they wanted more better. 

And it was so much like Howard’s words towards her. 

‘You have to be better! You aren’t better. You’re not even worth our time. Should have been a man.’ 

And sometimes she wished she could be “Better”

but Better than what? 

Be better than Stevie? 

Stephany could never be better than the little girl from Brooklyn.

Being Better hurt 

it coiled in her stomach 

and burned. 

And no one ever asked how she was or what she thought. 

They asked Captain America, 

Not Stevie Rogers 

There was a difference.

Always a difference.

and if someone now called her Stevie she’d probably start crying. 

Because finally. 

Someone sees

someone wants her. 

Not Rogers. 

Her. 

And maybe it’ll make the burning stop. 

But deep down with names she’s long buried with dates and smiles. 

She knows it’ll never happen. 

Because 

No 

One 

Cares. 

* * *

 

 


	6. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh hi?  
> I liveeeee 
> 
> I got caught up with school. And then Christmas and all that Jazz...
> 
> I finally got a chance to sit down and write more of this. 
> 
> so enjoy!

 Stephany stood on the main, her head tilted. Her dark eyes studying the blank wall, she picked up her pencil. 

”JARVIS, What time is it?” 

”It is currently 11 pm Captain Rogers. May I ask what you are doing?” 

”No, Turn off Security cameras in the common room. And restrict access until I grant it.” the AI was quiet for a moment, ”Don't notify Tony... Please.” 

”All requests followed, Captain, but I must inform you that if asked I must Tell Mr.Stark.” Stephany nodded. 

Stephany walked to the wall, time to go to work. 

* * *

 Stephany spun the paintbrush between two fingers. Her hearing aids lay abandoned on the coffee table. 

A thumping silence filled the room, Stephany took a deep breath.

Watching the bare wall come to life beneath her paint stained fingers was a since of normal that she’d Long forgotten. 

It was almost like she was back in 1940 Bucky spitting curse words over breakfast.

Her own laugh rang in her head. 

The small amused huff a phantom of what it once was. 

Bucky coming home to find her bent over  in the floor. Paint brushes abandoned fingers a mess with blues and greens. The cold wood floors more blue than Brown. 

There was something so, so, her in painting a wall. 

Something so wild, so satisfying about messing up a smooth surface with uneven strokes of paint. 

Dragging out senseless loops, and curving lines.

It made her feel more like the little girl from Brooklyn. 

By the time the sun was rising a song that she couldn't hear but could feel on the floor. 

Her shirt was covered in paint, her arms coated in smudges. A streak of midnight blue running down the left side if her face. 

Exhaustion tugged at the edges of her mind. 

She stepped back, the strip of the wall she painted on.

Was a mix of Blues, a few greens, and whites. 

Like Lighting Stretching across the previously blank space. 

Steph didn't always Hate storms 

They used to bring a sense of Freedom. 

Now they just dig up past memories. 

Steph smiled, a faint one. 

She rubbed her paint covered hand on her Jeans. 

She left the small paper plate covered in different colors on the Small step stool. 

She washed her hands in the kitchen sink. 

The tension in her shoulders was gone. 

She mumbled dates and recipes as she wondered about the kitchen. 

Absently she told Jarvis to allow access to the Common room.

The music still rumbling then floor beneath her feet. 

Oddly enough it didn't bother her that she couldn't hear the lyrics. 

Her hearing aids lay abandoned on the Island in the Kitchen. 

* * *

 Natasha and Clint were the first to stumble down. Both blinked in surprise at the loud music playing through the floor. 

The two walked into the kitchen. Coffee was brewing, and it smelt faintly like paint.

Stephany’s back was turned, the sounds of something being cooked filled the room.

She didn't notice the former spies.

 Nat walked around the counter and made herself a cup of coffee, before Clint could get to the pot. 

Neither made to ask about the Music. 

Or what her suddenly lose and calm mood. 

Thor came down next, the Norse God looking less awake than the rest of them. 

The normal cheerful and happy God didn't ask for anything till he had a cup of coffee in his hands. 

and all they got was a gruff ’Morning, Friends.’ 

Stephany still made no true notice of them. She laid a plate of Eggs on the island and it was soon joined by a plate of Sausage and Bacon. 

Banner came up dragging Tony. 

Tony went straight to the coffee pot. 

”It's probably gone cold.” Stephany's voice was quiet, sort of distance. 

Stormy blue eyes peeking out from under her blonde Curls. 

”I own a Microwave, Spangles.” 

She tiled her head towards him, she didn't respond mumbling and off comment about something he didn't catch. 

He reached from the Coffee. 

(which was cold) 

He dumped the small bit of cold Coffee into the sink. 

He huffed as he waited for it too Brew.

She rolled her Eyes, brushing her curls out of her face. 

The midnight blue streak on her face shown off.

Stephany reached over and grabbed her hearing Aids off the granite countertop. 

She turned around poured three cups of Coffee.

Handing one to Tony. 

Steph placed a plate of Strawberry Pop-Tarts in front of Thor and replaced Clints empty Coffee cup. 

Tony took his Coffee with a small hmm of appreciation and wandered into the living room. 

The small party in the kitchen looked up at a yell. Stephany, leaning over the counter, nursing her own a cup of Coffee. 

Tony stumbled back into the Kitchen. ”Can someone explain why part of the wall is Covered in Blue paint That looks like lightning?!” all eyes turn turned to Stephany, who was giggling quietly. 

She peaked up from underneath her curls eyes shining with Amusement.

”Won’t you like to know.” 

”Stephany, Spangles. You are literally wearing proof of it on your face.” Tony pointed out, reaching over and poking Steph’s cheek. 

The smile stretched across Tony's face told her that he wasn't mad. 

Stephany’s own lips curled just a bit. 

”You gonna answer me, Stevie?” 

Stephany went still. 

Stormy blue eyes wide. 

The tightness in her chest attempted to cave in. 

A watery Smile Stretching across her lips. 

”I got bored, Tones. That's why your wall’s blue.” 


End file.
